her vagine was all disorganized.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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