i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
