after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize