So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
