is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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