i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
