normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
