if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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