I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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