a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
