I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
