I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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