Do you still have your period?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
