Sry I called you an 8
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
