its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
