he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
