So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
