i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
