i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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