its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
