dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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