You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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