He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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