I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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