I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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