I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
