Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
