im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
