I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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