Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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