the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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