Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Shame - the story of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
