gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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