I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize