Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
