the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize