but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
