I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
