I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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