She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
