Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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