okay pat passed out under dana's car
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
