you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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