I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
