are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
