just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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