I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
