Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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