o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
