OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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