I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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