why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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