The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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