I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
