Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
