No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
