C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
