I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
