I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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