I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
