it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize