she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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