Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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