I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
