Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
