How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
being pregnant is like rehab
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
