do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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