did you get engaged???
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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