Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
