I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize