I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
