I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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