Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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