ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
