That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm jealous of your bromance
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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