Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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