i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
