mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
