I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
