It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
