I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
