Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
