You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
