I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
