I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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