why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
