Small penises have feelings too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
God, I missed his penis.
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