He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
